WARNING TO ALL TIRED WOMEN

Be very careful where you fall asleep, do not I repeat DO NOT fall asleep in public places,lying on your side where your boob is liable to escape the strict confines of your prized possession your faithful wonderbra !!!!!! Julie H I blame you for this boob (excuse the pun) but texting me at 4am the previous day to tell me you had had a fabulous night in the pub with Sharon, was not appreciated especially seen as I wasn't invited. I can only blame the lack of sleep following that text that left me over tired thus causing me to nod off and not the boring monotonous conversation of the people I was with when my embarrassing mishap occurred. Oh well its just gone 3am time I had my revenge on Julie, I'm off now to send her an unwelcome text !!

OK I GOT IT WRONG

I admit i got it wrong about the weather today, not a cloud in sight, the sun was shining and I looked a triflr silly in my wellies, but there was worse to come. Very good night Saturday but knowing I had to work on Sunday I was very good and went home early (4am) bounced out of bed nice n early, collected my daughters who I had press ganged into volunteering with me. Th ecar was full of them moaning and groaning why do we have to be up at this ungodly hour, it was 8 o'clock, where's their sense of adventure. Halfway down the Mumbles road I realised I didn't have my traders permit to park so I insisted on going back home to collect it, they won't let us in without it I kept repeating to them, we should be so lucky they chorused in unison. The wave was broadcasting from the Mumbles, it was the raft race, my daughters kept whinging we should be there not the boring old Gower Fair, I must admit I did agree with them it sounded brilliant down at the raft race especially with all the sun. All the way down the Gower they kept saying see everyone's gone to the raft race there's no other cars down this way. Did the penny drop ? Unfortunately not I kept on driving only to arrive to be greeting by a very sad sign stating Gower Fair cancelled and a telephone number. I rang and queried why, a very angry man shouted down the phone at me Foot & Mouth then cut me off !!! I'm not even going to repeat what my daughters said but they did cheer up a bit when I gave them £20 each and dropped them off at the Mumbles. They must have had a good time as I haven't seen them since. Owen don't even think about mooing when you see me forget it !! A big thankyou to the 3 people who rang me after I arrived home to inform me the Fair had been cancelled don't bother turning up, cheers each and everyone of you !!!!

WET WEATHER ALERT

Don't make any plans for sunday that involve venturing outdoors the weather is going to be very wet, cold and windy. How do I know that, am I psychic, have I read the long range weather forecast, no none of these I've just copped to work on sunday at the Gower Fair. So be warned anyone that intends visiting this event wrap up very warm, wear your wellies, carry an umbrella and be prepared to get drenched. I very kindly put Cassie's name on the list to help (she's 13) but she has threatened to disown me if she has to be seen with me when I'm wearing my green wellies, 3 sizes to big, and my bright pink mac. Ceri, my eldest daughter has just told Cassie, don't bother I've been trying to disown her for years ever since she got banned from the cross keys for getting her head stuck in the railings !!! Genuine mistake it could have happened to anyone and it seemed like a really good idea at the time. I'll let you all know monday morning how it went on sunday I've got to dash now I'm off to look for my thermal vest.

THERE IS A GOD

To all you people out there who have been stressing and worrying about my lack of job opportunity and success, worry no more someone somewhere took pity on me. What would you normally do with someone who has managed to make so little out of so many opportunities offered to her in sunny Blaen Y Maes, exceptionally talented at causing mayhem and mischief wherever she goes, memory like a sieve, off the wall sense of humour, I could carry on with the list of my attributes but I dont like to blow my own trumpet to much. Well SCVS, my employers, have taken into account my outstanding track record so far and decided to promote me. Yes thats right Owen I did say promote I'm going to be working with Age Concern helping them sort out their problems, whoever said I'll cause more than I solve thats not even remotely funny (hope you are listening Owen)
Off now to see where else I can cause Mayhem and Madness

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID !!!!

Any of you die hard readers out there may remember several weeks ago when I arrived in Blaen Y Maes in a blaze of glory, so good was the reputation that preceded my arrival that the developement workers were fighting over who was going to get me. To stop the arguements I was divided between three schemes all counting themselves lucky to have got a share of my talents. two months later I was sacked by Owen last monday, services no longer required, cheers Owen I'm still hurting. Maggie took to her sick bed when she heard owen had fired me, obviously thought I'd be with her more often, Julie took herself off to hospital to get away from me so that left me with only the volunteers to look after me For the life of me I don't know what I did but when I returned to the drop In Centre lunch time today I was met with mass mutiny all volunteers walked out, handed me the keys and was told they aint coming back. Was it something I said !!
Now to loose one placement in a week would be a worry, the second one smacks of sheer carelessness but three in seven days oh dear I'm not looking forward to trying to explain this one to the boss.
Personally i blame Owen I think to justify his callous treatment of me he's bribed everyone else to say it is true I am rubbish and they can't develope me any further.
ANYBODY OUT THERE NEEDING A TRAINEE DEVELOPEMENT WORKER THERE'S ONE HERE WITH PLENTY OF TIME ON HER HANDS !!
P.S. Don't ask owen for a reference

QUEUES, QUEUES AND EVEN MORE QUEUES

I am pleased to announce that Oakwood Park has perfected the art of queueing, you now have to queue to join a queue !! Arrived early for my long awaited Girls Aloud Concert, queued to join the queue of other idiots who had bought their tickets over the internet (only about 2000 people) gates open at 6pm only one scanner available to validate all these computer generated tickets. Finally got into park at 6.45 then queued for an hour for our daughters to have chicken & chips, I was prepared to starve so we could get a good place to watch but they refused, then waited 45mins while they queued for megaphobia, then another 30mins cos I wanted coffee. We were all cold, fed up and p****d off by this point but I kept reassuring them it'l be worth it, ha ha ha famous last words. 9 o'clock came & went, frostbite had set in, tempers were carefully being held in check, mutterings were heard whose bright idea was this anyway (mine, mine, mine) then at 9.30 some would be warbler sang 3 songs & legged it off stage quicker than you can blink, 9.50 signs of life 3 cars arrived & finally at 9.58 they appeared on stage, not bad really especially when you consider that the park shuts at 10pm !!! £27.50 per ticket what a rip off, they sang & mimed 7 songs, we saw a few minutes of fireworks & were back in the car by 10.4. WAS IT WORTH IT ? YOU BET IT WAS, WILL I BE THERE NEXT TIME,OF COURSE I WILL ONLY THIS TIME I'LL BE FIRST IN THE QUEUE !!!!

RE : AIR CONDITIONING

I must confess I lied on the previous epilogue, I do have air conditioning unfortunately it only comes on when I switch the engine off. Managed to get the radio tuned in to one station, is there anyone out there who could give me a few quick lessons in Russian, at least then I may be able to understand what they are broadcasting.
I'm off to see Girls Aloud in Oakwood Park Saturday, I'm so excited I cant wait. I've bribed my youngest daughter to tell all the family she wants to see them, unfortunately she was brought up in the Christian faith and says honesty is the best policy and £20 bribe just isn't enough to tell a lie that big !!!!
Must dash I've got to practise my dance steps !!!